Part 3: Finding my identity and my purpose in His presence…

I am His masterpiece and His beloved daughter. There was a time when I thought that God was distant and severe, that He was continually judging us when we made mistakes and was very difficult to please in the long run. This story is about how I found my identity and my purpose through a personal encounter with Him... I was born in a catholic family and was raised by loving parents who taught my brothers and me the importance of God and His Church. So, I heard a lot of stories about God, but for a reason, they never resonated with me on a deeper level. I was going to church and was praying every day because I was taught that it was the right thing to do. I didn’t understand that I needed to know God personally to truly include Him in my life. For a long time, this missing piece led me to painful experiences. Indeed, I thought that my life was defined by my achievements at school, at work, or by unhealthy friendships and relationships... Then one of the hardest patches in my life was when I lost my grandmother a few years ago. She was a second mother to me as she raised my siblings and me when we had to leave our home and our parents because of the civil war in Ivory Coast. I was so angry at God when she passed away because she was the pillar of my family! She was taking care of my grandfather, who was battling cancer while she was suffering from diabetes. So, we already had enough pain to deal with. Out of all of us, I believed my grandma was the one who truly deserved to live a long and happy life as she was a devoted catholic and was such a gift to the people who knew her. Instead, her life seemed very difficult, and she was taken from us in such a painful and unexpected way that whatever little faith I had left was put to a severe test... As a result, my life was like a crazy rollercoaster ride... when things were great, I felt like I was on top of the world and often forgot about thanking God. Yet, when things weren’t going well, it seemed like my entire world was collapsing and that I was alone to deal with it! Even though I had my loving family and friends around me, I was continually feeling alone in a crowd of people... I carried these wounds for a couple of years after moving to Canada until I could no longer bear them on my own... So, I decided to have a talk with the “Big Man.” I asked Him to help me heal from all my wounds and to lead me to a community that would help me grow closer to Him because I was clearly not doing it the right way... I remembered this African proverb saying: “It takes a village to raise a child” and realized that it is the exact same thing to raise a child of God, it takes a community and real fellowship… and THAT was what I needed! It was the first time that I cried out to God like that! A few months after, an opportunity came up to go to a retreat. There I heard that I was a child of God and that I was never alone. That, in good times and bad, God was always there looking out for me and taking care of me! At first, I was confused... because how could this God who created all these people on earth, let these sufferings happen in the world? How could He love me so intimately when I didn’t really know Him? But by the end of the retreat, I remember crying as I finally felt His presence within me and in the people around me.

I had this unexplainable peace in my heart, knowing that Jesus was not this distant and judgmental God. But one who chose to die on the cross for me and for each one of you. One who rose again to overcome death to give us a new future full of hope. I could discuss with other people on how God created us to be His children so that we could experience Christ-like relationships and support one another through hardships. The teachings also allowed me to realize that if I wanted to find real joy and fulfillment, then I needed God to be at the center of my life, I needed to make Him my priority. After all that, I knew that I was ready to place Jesus at the center of my life. So, I did so by reaffirming my baptismal vows in prayer. Since then, I committed to a relationship with Christ by letting Him guide me in all the different areas of my life. I understood that He never expected me to be perfect, but He just wanted me to trust and surrender all to Him. In return, He has been using everything I am, my strengths, and my weaknesses to transform me into a better version of myself. I was able to overcome many doubts and fears, and I have found a community of amazing people who continually help me grow in faith. I could go on a mission trip to St. John’s, where I saw God changing lives one after the other... One powerful moment happened halfway through mission when I was silently praying to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I was asking Him to reveal Himself to me. I waited for an answer for what felt like forever. As I was about to close my prayer because I couldn’t receive anything, I saw the image of Jesus pointing at His heart as if He was asking me to listen with my heart. So, I tried again, and after a few minutes, I heard God’s voice telling me many beautiful things but essentially that He was there with me. That I shouldn’t doubt Him, He loved me and was proud of me, and He was giving me a new heart so that I could love His children more deeply, especially the ones that didn’t know Him yet… I wish I had better words to describe the beauty of this intimate and silent experience. But, I will just say that I was utterly amazed, I cried warm tears and was smiling uncontrollably. It is one of these moments I will never forget because I always doubted they could happen, especially not to me.

Finally, I am glad to tell you that my life does not feel like a rollercoaster ride anymore but like a peaceful journey with some moments more difficult than others, of course, but full of peace, joy, and surprising opportunities... The big difference is that I know my identity: His beloved daughter, and I know that my purpose is to love and serve Him and His children through all the little things I do. There is so much more freedom and happiness now that I am relying on my loving and protecting Father! So, if I can leave you with a challenge: be more intentional and vulnerable in your relationship with Christ! Open your heart a little bit more to Him in both good and bad times. Maybe start by surrendering something you are struggling to let go of or ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a new way… and soon enough, you will see Him work in you and through you, and you will be amazingly surprised because His plans and timing are always perfect!

Soukeïna Rose N’Diaye Read part 2: A glimpse of an encounter https://soukeina-n.wixsite.com/website-2/post/part-2-a-glimpse-of-an-encounter Read part 1: Every story has a beginning https://soukeina-n.wixsite.com/website-2/post/part-1-every-story-has-a-beginning

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